


Strange Heart

by gmmidnight



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, post 5A
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmmidnight/pseuds/gmmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saving Hook in the Underworld doesn't go as planned, which forces Emma and Regina to confront the truth about their own hearts. </p><p>[Post 5A. SwanQueen.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Witness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I don't own any of these characters. Many apologies for any errors or typos. 
> 
> So the main action takes place post-5A finale, and then there's some flashbacks to Camelot mixed in the first couple of chapters. I wanted to revisit Camelot because there were some pretty major *SEEDS* planted and I wanted to explore them further, since the show probably won't :') 
> 
> Hook and Hood will be present in the first few chapters but they'll go away.
> 
> Hope you guys like it--let me know!

 

“Someone else should be there,” Regina told Emma one day, by the beach. They’d started hanging out there, having reached a wordless agreement to meet everyday at the same spot. Usually they didn’t talk about anything important. They’d sit on the shore and fill the stagnant Underworld air with cheerful little conversations—sharing happy memories, talking about Henry, laughing about Emma’s parents. But they danced around anything serious, anything with weird emotions involved. In each other’s company, they found an escape they hadn’t expected to find but desperately wanted to keep.

 

But that morning, weeks or maybe months after they had arrived (time works differently down there, and you don’t need a broken clocktower to tell you that, you just feel it) and nothing had happened, Regina casually mentioned it. Him. Emma shrugged, turning away from Regina slightly. She muttered “I don’t know” and “soon, soon,” like a sleeper begging for more time to dream. 

 

Everyone was starting to wonder. Even the dead. But nobody wanted to push her. Not yet. They all agreed—give her more time. 

 

Regina made a dumb joke, something about actually kind of missing Granny’s sandwiches back home. Emma didn’t laugh. She just stared ahead at the steel-gray water and said, “Well. Maybe I’ll do it tonight.”

 

That’s when Regina said: “Someone else should be there.” She volunteered herself by implication, without really meaning to.

 

There was a shift in Emma’s energy. She looked at Regina quick and hard, jaw tight. A damp piece of blonde hair clung to her forehead. “Why?”

 

“For…safety reasons,” Regina managed. “In case something goes wrong.”

 

“You don’t think it’ll work?” Emma asked without hesitating. Regina could feel her eyes on her but she couldn’t meet them. Instead she looked at Emma’s shoulders, frailer than they once were, hidden beneath familiar red leather.

 

“I didn’t say that,” Regina said finally. “Think of it as having a…witness.” Her tongue was heavy as she said the word. But she knew it would work. Emma’s eyes widened and she smiled like a child offered sugar. 

 

“Meet us after sunset,” she said. “By the lake.”

 

\-----

 

Regina still had nightmares about that night. They always started with Robin Hood, the two of them walking through the woods, faces glowing under a bright moon, slowly headed back to town. His fingers fumble for hers in the darkness, hers acquiesce, resigned to the duty of love. Her eyes can’t seem to focus as she tries to fix them on the moon; her vision blurs and swirls and it’s nearly impossible to keep her eyes open. Her eyelids get heavier and heavier, melting into her face, reduced to tiny pools of cement. She’s fighting to open her eyes when, in perfect dream logic, she’s suddenly downtown. She can see again. But then, thick black ribbons begin to engulf her. She’s paralyzed as dark energy whips around her body at such a high velocity she’s afraid to lose a limb. She feels something important, something essential, being drawn from her. And then, through the darkness, she sees a figure, blonde and thin, wearing white, arms waving. Regina hears words being said, some from her, some from the figure. She tries to move but she’s completely stuck, a statue unable to stop its own destruction. The figure moves closer. Regina hears the words, “I love you,” but she doesn’t know who they’re for.

 

\-----

 

The days following Emma’s disappearance were worse than Regina could have predicted. Every moment took an eternity to pass. Emma was gone, taking the ultimate burden away from Regina and assuming it herself. Hook leered at Regina with a new and very sharp skepticism. Emma was gone. Henry hung around 108 Mifflin like a ghost, always looking over his shoulder and peering around corners. Emma was gone. David gently patted Regina on the back, and Mary Margaret looked at her with a softness that wasn’t there before. Tears were in all of their eyes. Emma was gone.

 

Sometimes Regina thought back to the days where she wanted Emma Swan gone, when she tried to push the woman far, far away, even though everything she did just brought them closer together…

 

She couldn’t focus on her work. Sitting at her desk, salad untouched, she’d find herself staring at the door with kaleidoscope vision as her eyes unfocused and her thoughts wandered so far away that the interruption of another person was the only thing that could bring her back. Town business began to slide but nobody said anything. They didn’t seem to care, or maybe they didn’t notice. Finding Emma was on the forefront of everyone’s mind but nobody could think of a solution. Time stood still. 

 

The unspoken agreement around Storybrooke was if Regina and her magic couldn’t find a way, there was no hope of finding Emma. She knew this, and while it was nice that everyone finally believed in her, the burden of her responsibility was the second most painful part of the whole thing.

 

(The most painful part was walking into Granny’s every morning for a cup of coffee and not seeing a familiar blonde head sitting at the counter, hair freshly curled, stirring cinnamon into her hot cocoa.)

 

Then one day Regina decided to clean out her closet. She wanted a task both productive and mindless, and quickly found herself throwing away three decades worth of outdated fashion. After spending all morning pulling out old Chanel boxes, checking their contents and scoffing at her bad taste from many years ago, she reached into a box and felt something unusually soft between her fingers. Catching a glimpse of stitched purple letters, she smelled an inexplicably familiar powdery scent. She smiled because she knew. And then she cried because she _knew_. 

 

\-----

 

The birds sang louder than the ones in Storybrooke. That’s the first thing Regina noticed when they arrived in Camelot, in the heart of its forests. Grabbing David’s arm for a moment to gain her balance, Regina’s eyes adjusted to her new surroundings and she briefly admired the emerald-green leaves, dappled by soft yellow sunlight. But then she looked around, making sure Henry had arrived safely with them. That’s when she saw two figures ahead: a blue one with a head of fiery curls, and a smaller gray one. Blonde. Holding the redhead’s heart. Emma. 

 

Regina’s head spun when she saw Emma, holding the other woman’s heart. The blunt determination in her eyes, the tightness of her lips. The ruthlessness. But then she saw the fear, which she knew was at the root of it all. Darkness feeds on fear. Regina knew that far too well. 

 

Regina listened to the pirate’s impotent attempts to get Emma to back off the redhead, remembering that day Emma held a gun to Lily’s head. 

 

Then she steeled her face into her unreadable Mayor mask and said: “But to stop the darkness you’re going to let it consume you.” Emma side-eyed her but Regina knew she listened. 

 

More words from everyone else, more attempts to prevent that first domino from falling. When Emma finally backed down and returned the heart to its proper location, Regina’s shoulders relaxed slightly. But when she saw Emma leaning into the pirate, face twisted with an unreadable emotion, Regina blinked quickly and stared at the ground. 

 

But then Emma approached her, dagger in hand, and asked Regina to save her, and suddenly she couldn’t stop looking into those green eyes and all the infinities they held… 

 

For days afterward, Regina couldn't comprehend the power she had over Emma. She'd wander the woods of Camelot, listening to the birds sing overhead, and start to picture herself using the dagger to summon Emma. Not with malicious intent, of course, just out of loneliness--Henry would be off with his new friend, Robin taking care of Roland, David and Mary Margaret poring over books with Belle. And Emma, of course, gallivanting the countryside with the pirate. Regina would feel the words form on her tongue. _Dark One, I_.... But she would never. 

 

Having Emma nearby quickly became almost as painful as her absence. Watching her so quiet, so resigned, so fearful of something, and being unable to reach her--it was intolerable. And how was she supposed to save Emma if she was always off with Hook? It wore on Regina's nerves, and she found herself sliding into old habits. Zelena bore the worst of it, listening to Regina's sharp words with a silent sneer. The witch, after all, carried the biggest threat to the happy ending Emma sacrificed herself to protect. That fact alone ignited a rage in Regina so primal she found herself using words she hadn't used since her days as the Evil Queen. The same lonely anger from those days began to fuel her thoughts and, as a result, her actions. She didn’t feel like herself without Emma around. 

 

When Henry wasn't at the stables, he was with Hook and Emma. "She needs me, Mom," he'd told her. Regina knew better than to say, "I need you, too." Because the obvious fact was, Emma needed him more. She stumbled across him, Emma and Hook one day, the three of them sitting outside Granny's displaced diner. She stood behind a tree and watched as Emma's fingers moved deftly across the front of a dreamcatcher, her eyes glued to the strings and feathers. Henry and the pirate sat at a table, looking at a newspaper. Henry pointed to something on the paper and nudged Hook, who nodded and drew a circle around it. They shared a secretive smile and looked quickly at Emma. The pirate said something to Henry and playfully punched him with his hook.

 

Regina's fingers twitched, a phantom fireball itching to be aimed at Hook's receding hairline. She worried about his influence on her son, who was easily impressed by the pirate’s bloated ego. And, of course, she worried about his influence on Emma. She always had. 

 

Time stood still as she watched the tableau. Henry looked so happy with them, happier than he ever looked at home with Regina. All the shadows from a few weeks before were gone from his face. Hook kept looking at Emma, vein bulging on his temple, eyes shining as he smiled at her. Emma’s eyes remained stuck to her dreamcatcher, fingers flying, mouth tight. But then, for just a split second, she looked up and a smile flickered on her lips. Regina’s throat constricted.

 

Unable to watch any longer, she poofed herself back to her room. She sat on her bed and slid a hand under her pillow, pulling something out. Resting her head on the white and purple blanket, smelling its familiar powdery scent, Regina allowed a few tears to spill down her cheeks before she fell asleep. 

 

\-----

 

When they parted ways from the beach, Regina headed back to her room at Granny’s. Since the Underworld’s version of Storybrooke wasn’t actually Storybrooke, what were once their homes now belonged to the formerly living. Cora, of course, lived at 108 Mifflin Street. Cruella and Milah shared Mary Margaret’s loft, and Pan wouldn’t let anyone near Gold’s shop. Emma’s Dark One house didn’t exist there. So the living were forced to rent rooms at Granny’s, whose new owner was the Blind Witch. Five thousand oven jokes later, everyone was settled, and the wait for Emma to split her heart began. 

 

These places were like their Storybrooke counterparts but also not. Everything was dreamlike down there, equal parts vivid and muddled. Regina often expected to wake up at any moment, safe in her mansion, none of this ever having happened. How far back would she go, if given the chance? How much would she do over? 

 

_(You’re Henry’s birth mother? Hi.)_

 

As Regina walked down the hallway toward her door, Mary Margaret appeared through the doorway of her and David’s room. 

 

“Mary Margaret!” Regina said. She touched her arm gently. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

 

Sitting on Regina’s narrow bed, they were silent for a few seconds. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but it was heavy. 

 

Finally Regina spoke. “I saw Emma today.”

 

Mary Margaret nodded. She knew that her daughter and Regina had been spending more time together and appreciated it. Things with Emma had started to get better but then they got to the Underworld and suddenly she grew distant again and reaching her became more and more difficult. So if Regina still could, all the better.

 

“And she…she’s going to do it. Tonight.”

 

Mary Margaret’s eyes widened for a moment but she checked herself. “Tonight?”

 

“Just after sunset. By the lake. I’ll be there…” A strange expression crossed Mary Margaret’s face. “…to make sure nothing goes wrong. A simple precaution.”

 

“Emma doesn’t want anyone else there?” Hurt crept into her voice. 

 

“Well, she didn’t say anything about it. I suppose if she wanted everyone there she would’ve mentioned it.”

 

“I wouldn’t worry,” Regina quickly added. “I’m sure it’ll be…uneventful.”

 

“Well, I am worried, actually,” Mary Margaret said, voice lowered. “I worry a lot.”

 

Regina’s neck prickled. “Why?” 

 

Mary Margaret shook her head, lips pressed together. “I just…” She looked at Regina, hesitating. 

 

“It’s okay, Mary Margaret. You can tell me."

 

Mary Margaret wet her lips, shaking her head again. “I just worry because she and Hook don’t have the…history that David and I did. You know, when I split my heart with him.”

 

Regina scoffed. “Well, I’d say being Dark Ones together is quite a bit of history.”

 

“Not the good kind. Listen, Regina. This has been eating me alive. David too. We don’t want to say the wrong thing or risk alienating her, but…this doesn’t feel right. When I gave David half my heart, we had a _child_. We’d already shared True Love’s Kiss. Emma and Hook…they don’t have that.” 

 

Regina cocked her head, listening intently. It was…novel, hearing these concerns come from someone else. 

 

Mary Margaret continued. “We came down here without really thinking it through. I mean, what happens if it doesn’t work?”

 

Regina’s face darkened at the thought. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sure it’ll work.”

 

“But what if it doesn’t? What will we do? Or, you, specifically, since you’ll be there.”

 

Regina placed a hand over Mary Margaret’s. “Whatever happens, I’ll make sure Emma is safe. I promise.”

 

“Well, the two of us don’t have the best record with keeping promises, do we?” Mary Margaret said with a laugh. Regina leveled her a mean stare before smiling herself. 

 

“We’ll be on a boat to Storybrooke tomorrow morning. There’s another promise.” 

 

Mary Margaret squeezed Regina’s hand and looked her in the eye. “Thank you, Regina. I never thought I'd’ say this, but I don’t know what this family would do without you.”

 

Regina squeezed back and looked at Mary Margaret, saw the pleading and trust in the woman’s eyes. Regina’s smile was frozen as she pictured Emma holding her own heart, tearing it in half, doing something that could never be undone…


	2. Properties of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked Chapter 1! I think the chapters are going to alternate between Emma and Regina's perspectives, so this one is from Emma's. 
> 
> Hook is in this chapter but he won't be making too many more appearances, I promise!

 

Emma walked slowly along Main Street, squinting at the strange pink daylight. This version of Storybrooke was much hotter than the one in Maine, much muggier and more oppressive. But she still wore her leather jacket, skinny jeans and boots, and sometimes even her beanie. Ever since she became the Dark One she had a chill she couldn’t shake, and it stayed with her even in Hell. 

 

A knot had also tightened her throat ever since her conversation with Regina that morning. The plans they made for that night rang through her head. _Someone else should be there. A witness_. It was a strange combination of embarrassment and relief, knowing Regina would be there. “I don’t pine,” she had told Regina before. And yet here she was, preparing to literally share her heart with a man. Emma’s cheeks burned as she imagined Regina watching her do it—what sort of face would she make? What would she say afterward, when it was done? 

 

Emma often thought back to who she was before she started dating Hook, the Emma Swan who never made it past one-night stands and always gave men a fake number and never got emotional over them. Was she really damaged back then, the way people had kind of started to imply? _It’s good to see you so open, loving him without those walls up_ , they kept saying. But sometimes walls come down for the right reasons and sometimes they don’t. 

 

She never considered changing her mind, though. It was the whole reason she and her family gone to the Underworld in the first place. It was her _future_ , after all, wasn’t it? Her imagined future that she would do anything to protect, even if it meant creating a second Dark One and going to Hell. Her happiness, gift wrapped and tied with True Love ribbons and there for the taking. She wanted to embrace it with open arms and wide smiles. So why was she waiting? The magic question. No one said anything but she knew they wondered. How could they not? They’d literally gone to Hell for her happiness. The extent of her family’s love and generosity never ceased to amaze her. She didn’t want to disappoint them but she had also needed time. 

 

Well, no one had asked about it until Regina did, that is. Maybe everyone else was still afraid of Emma and doing or saying the wrong thing. Or maybe they believed whatever reasons she had for waiting, they were good, and people wanted to trust her. But the fact was, Regina just wanted to go home, which made Emma realize that she did, too. 

 

She approached her parents’ loft…or, rather, Milah and Cruella’s loft. Weeks or months after being here, Emma still wasn’t used to the subtle but significant differences between this Storybrooke and the one in Maine. 

 

She had to find Hook and let him know it was happening at sunset. But first, she had to stop by Milah’s and drop off a book she’d borrowed when they first arrived.

 

Milah’s presence in Hell, of course, had initially made Emma feel strange. Not jealous, really, but just uncomfortable. Milah’s striking green eyes and pretty voice had surprised Emma. She had expected a rough, homely woman with Hook’s penchant for rum and swearing. But Milah was beautiful and she was kind to Emma. They had respected each other, despite their strange relationship to one another. 

 

As Emma approached the door to the loft, she heard voices. Milah’s voice, yes, but not Cruella’s thick 1920’s accent. No, instead she heard a the familiar brogue of a certain pirate. 

 

“Milah, please,” he was saying. 

 

“No. Not today. Not anymore,” Milah said. 

 

“Love…” he cooed.

 

Every nerve in Emma’s face pressed against her skin. Her hand, reaching for the doorknob, froze.

 

“No. You can’t call me your pet names anymore.”

 

“C’mon now, I call lots of people ‘love.’”

 

Emma heard Milah laugh, a dark and joyless sound. 

 

“You can’t come here anymore, looking for a quick fuck when you’re planning to leave with Emma. I’m tired of it.”

 

Emma felt nothing. Where rage or despair or jealousy should’ve been, there was a gaping void. 

 

Hook scoffed. “You women never understand.”

 

“Understand what? Your inability to stick to one woman? To be faithful and true?”

 

“I never cheated on you,” Hook said, raising his voice.

 

“But you will on her.”

 

“This is different,” he growled. “I mean, how many lads find themselves in this predicament? He dies, reunites with his long lost love, alright, great. Oh, but then his _other_ love drags her entire family to Hell to save his life? It’s a bit odd, you must admit. There’s no guidebooks on this one.”

 

Milah’s voice was firm. “We’ve been messing around but I can’t do it anymore. It’s either me or her. Not both. You stay, or you go, and if you go, we don’t see each other again after today.”

 

“God damn it, Milah. Why are you being like this?” 

 

“Because neither of us deserve this.”

 

“Well, that I agree with.”

 

“Let me clarify. Neither I nor _Emma_ deserve this.”

 

There was silence. Emma’s eyes were glazed, dead-pan. Her feet felt stuck in place. Her grip on Milah’s book became slippery as her hands began to sweat. She couldn't stop listening. 

 

"I love you, Milah. I always have, always will. I love Emma too. I love you both, just differently. But I have the chance to do the impossible. I can return to the living and start over. Live a decent life after dying a hero. How often does that opportunity come ‘round?"

 

Milah sighed. ”You're not a hero, Killian. Neither of us are. That's why we're good together."

 

Emma heard Hook's heavy boots pacing around. She felt like she might throw up. 

 

"I'll let you keep your opinion on that matter while I have mine. But the fact is, I'm going with Emma. I just don't see why we can't enjoy what's left of our time together until then. God knows she's taking forever to do it.”

 

“Then go tell her to hurry up. But we’re done, Killian. Unless you change your mind.” 

 

“Never.” 

 

They were quiet then. Realizing Hook might open the door at any moment, Emma left the book outside the door and hurried down the stairs. Her heart hammered in her chest. She burst outside and the Underworld air was thick and heavy in her lungs and her legs felt like jello but she ran down Main Street like she was being chased. It didn’t matter where she was headed, she just wanted to be alone one last time. 

 

———

 

Emma hurried through the forests of Camelot, running to an unknown destination. She still didn’t know her way around the woods, how to differentiate the various trees and roots. Under stress, it all looked the same. And lately, she was always under stress. 

 

Emma just wanted to be alone. She was sick of seeing Dark One Rumple, sick of hearing his little giggle in her ears, watching him grin as her mind turned to its darkest corners. She was sick of him studying her every move, his eyes shifting reptilian in their sockets. He was always there, it seemed. She’d embrace Hook and peer over his shoulder, where she would see Rumple standing there, smiling with delight. She wanted this over, the darkness gone, her life back. 

 

But she didn’t regret it, not for a second. Regret wasn’t an option, just like letting Regina go hadn’t been an option. 

 

After all, Emma knew the darkness had always wanted her. It was never meant for Regina. It wanted the cleanest slate to dirty, the most room to grow. Regina was just the bait. But why choose her? 

 

Emma pushed that and every other thought from her mind as she reached a clearing where the treetops opened and sunlight poured through, bathing the ground in a soft yellow light. She stopped and sat down against a tree, not caring whether the dirt made a mess of her white dress. She closed her eyes and swallowed, feeling the sun’s warmth spread across her face and down her body. Trying very hard to quiet her mind, she tried to stifle every single thought. She just wanted to be. 

 

A few moments passed where she accomplished just that. She wasn’t the Savior. She wasn’t the Dark One. She wasn’t a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a sheriff, a friend. She wasn’t anything but she wasn’t nothing.

 

A bird overhead began to sing a loud, clear song, its voice sweet and lilting. Emma opened her eyes and was startled to see Regina sitting beside her. 

 

“You scared me,” she gasped. 

 

“Sorry,” Regina said, hesitating. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. But I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Okay,” Emma said slowly. “What’s up?”

 

It was the first time they’d been alone together since Emma became the Dark One. There were so many things to say but Regina just looked at her, lips pressed together. Emma stared back at her, gazing into her large brown eyes. Regina broke eye contact first and looked ahead. 

 

“Well, I’m worried for you,” she said.

 

Emma rolled her eyes. “You sound like my parents.” 

 

“I mean it, Emma. You’ve asked me to do something and I…well, I guess I’m a little unclear.”

 

“Unclear of what?”

 

“How to save you.” Regina looked back at Emma, mouth trembling slightly. “I…I’m afraid I won’t know how.”

 

The Mayor, always so confident and self-assured and unflappable, surprised Emma with her uncertainty.

 

The blonde started to open her mouth when Regina muttered: “I mean, wouldn’t that be a job for Hook?” Regina said it quickly under her breath and Emma could tell she didn’t mean to, that it was a thought spoken aloud by accident, but the words hung in the air between them and their significance seeped through Emma’s skin. She looked at Regina quickly and their eyes met for a moment but then Emma broke contact and stared at the ground, tightening her mouth. 

 

“I just said that because you have magic and he doesn’t,” Emma mumbled. “And because what I said before is true. It’s your turn, I saved you first.”

 

Regina sighed loudly. “I know you did. You think I’ve forgotten that? I think about it every single day, Emma.What you sacrificed. For me. And that’s why I’m so haunted by this. I want to make this up to you, more than anything. But I don’t know what to do. You told me what to do if I _can’t_ save you but what if I can? Please. Just give me a clue, something, anything to help me here. What can I do for you? What…what will bring you back?” Regina’s voice broke at the word _back_. 

 

Emma closed her eyes slowly. She sensed the energy shift as Regina turned her head back and gazed at Emma’s profile. She could feel Regina’s eyes on her. Her mind buzzed. “I don’t know,” she said finally.

 

“Emma, look, I…” Regina placed a hand on Emma’s arm and Emma instinctively flinched, as if burned. She didn’t mean to do it but she instantly felt guilty as Regina retracted her hand, hurt pooling into her brown eyes. “Sorry,” she murmured. She stood up and looked anxious, as if ready to leave.

 

“Regina, wait,” Emma said, raising her voice. “You can save me by being different from the others. By telling me the truth, always. Even when it hurts. Even when you know I’ll want to run away from it. Darkness loves lies, it loves the fear they protect. So don’t lie to me. Ever.”

 

Face softening into a smile, Regina nodded, and then she held out her hand. Emma took it and stood up, grabbing Regina’s other arm for balance. They stood like that for a moment, Emma’s hand in Regina’s, feeling its cool softness envelop her. She kept her other hand on the Mayor’s arm and felt the soft velvet between her fingers. Their eyes locked.

 

Flinching out of fear, clinging to the lie, that’s the defense mechanism. This was the opposite of that. 

 

A thousand unspoken words hung suspended in their gaze. Emma looked at Regina and noticed the tips of her eyelashes glowing in the sunlight, her eyes sparkling and taking in Emma with an unreadable blend of emotions. She couldn’t bring herself to look away and break eye contact. It was like magnets had burrowed into their irises and were suddenly activated and now they strained to be reconnected with their opposites. Regina’s lips parted, as if about to speak.

 

“Emma! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Emma jerked so violently she nearly fell over. The stench of rum preceded him as Hook stepped through the trees and into the clearing. He grabbed Emma’s arm and pulled her away from Regina, closer to him, his eyes all over her. 

 

“C’mon, love. There’s a ball tonight, everyone is looking for you. You too, Savior,” he said with a smirk in Regina’s direction.

 

Regina looked at her but Emma winced and looked away, face clouding over. She grabbed Hook’s hand and said, “Of course. Let’s go.” She pulled him away, back into the woods and its cool, leafy shade. She didn’t look back at Regina. Instead she looked at Hook and grinned. 

 

As they walked back to King Arthur's castle, hand in hand, Emma heard a faint giggle, but it could’ve just been the wind. 

 

 

 

———

 

Emma had avoided the lake since they arrived at its shores. She hated the memories it held, of impaling Hook and boarding a boat to the Underworld to get him back. 

 

In fact, she didn’t even have nightmares about that night, when Hook almost killed her entire family and destroyed everything she cared about. All those memories and feelings were buried somewhere deep and inaccessible, where even dreams couldn’t reach. She refused to think about how Regina had chosen to spend her final hours with Robin, how the Mayor had stood and watched as Emma stabbed her one chance at a normal white-picket-fence future. A future like her parents’. Safe, ordinary, predictable. _Normal_. How Regina still had her pixie-dust endorsed soulmate by her side while Emma suddenly had to face her future alone.

 

No, she had repressed every memory of that night, but now she stood and watched the sun disappear behind the edge of the lake and the memories washed in like debris on the beach. How she lost her Dark One appearance but still felt dark. How a future with guaranteed love in it turned to dust in her fingers and blew away. And then, the idea like a worm in her brain, to break the rules and cheat death and get it all back. Boarding the boat to Hell thinking: _It has to work. It has to work. It will work. It WILL work. I won’t be alone. I can’t be alone. I will find him. I will always find him. Nothing will stop me. Nothing can stop me. Not death, not fate, nothing._

 

The sun made its final descent, bursts of pink and orange and red coloring the sky. The lake stood still, its surface flat like polished black glass. She was the first to arrive. She was too nervous to sit on a bench so she paced around in small circles, eyes on the ground. 

 

She’d found Hook earlier that afternoon on his ship, day drinking. One of the first things she noticed in the Underworld was that Hook drank even more than before. He seemed unmoored down there, aimless in a way she’d never seen. When she stepped onto the deck, he looked up at her and she didn’t detect a trace of guilt on his face. He just smiled a bit sloppily and said “Swan” and approached her like nothing was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t. He was familiar, after all. And he wanted a future with her. So she pretended what happened earlier was a dream (the Underworld is so dreamlike, anyway, is it even reality?) and she told Hook the plan and he grinned like it was the best news he’d ever heard.

 

Eventually Hook and Regina showed up at the lake at same time, but not together. Regina came from the direction of Granny’s and Hook staggered over from the Jolly Roger. Emma watched Regina approach, studied her graceful long legs and tight black pants, her gray silk shirt open at the chest, lace camisole peeking out…she caught herself and looked at Hook instead, forcing herself to smile bravely at him. 

 

It was awkward, Hook and Emma and Regina meeting for this purpose. Emma didn’t know what to say. “We’re gathered here today…” Regina said, trying to lighten the mood. Hook laughed but Emma grimaced. 

 

The three of them stood for a few minutes and watched the dregs of the sunset disappear behind the horizon. The air remained humid and thick but a slight chill passed over them as it grew darker. 

 

“Love,” Hook said, breaking the silence. He approached Emma and grabbed her hand. “I’m so happy that we…”

 

“Let’s do this,” Emma interrupted, louder than she meant to. “It’s time.” 

 

The pirate licked his lips and nodded, failing to hide his displeasure at being interrupted. He looked at Regina, who stood to the side, looking disinterested. Then he looked at Emma again, a question forming on his face. 

 

“What is it?” she said. 

 

“Do you remember, a while back, when Cora tried to take your heart? And she couldn’t, because it was protected? How are we supposed to, uh…” He gestured lamely with his hook. 

 

Regina stepped in. “That rule doesn’t apply down here. As soon as we leave the realm of the living, all protection spells cease to work.” Her eyes were sad as she said this. “So you shouldn’t have a problem taking it out. You remember how to do it, right?" she asked Emma.

 

“Yeah,” Emma said, glancing down at her chest. “I'm ready."

 

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the protection spell on Emma's heart...I've been wondering how the writers are going to handle that, so this was my own (potentially lame) attempt at getting around that.


	3. Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating! Hope you like it!! xx

Regina found the sight far too familiar, a heart beating outside of its body. But instead of fiendish delight and a lust to crush it, she felt helpless and frightened and protective. Emma stared at her own heart for a moment. They all did. It glowed bright pink in her palm, no dark spots visible. Relief flooded Regina when she saw the darkness hadn’t tainted Emma’s heart. It might have haunted her mind, guided some of her actions, but her heart had been strong against its curse. Protected. 

The night was cool and still and dark. The Underworld’s constant haze prevented any stars from shining. Only distant streetlights illuminated their faces. And, of course, the glow of Emma’s heart. 

Emma looked at Hook and her hands shifted, but then she stopped.

“You should do it,” Emma said to Regina. Her gaze was determined, unwavering. 

Regina tilted her head. “Me?” she asked slowly.

“Well, you’ve done this before. With my parents, right? You have more experience with… human hearts…than I do. Here.” Emma approached Regina and held out her heart, eyes pleading. “Take it.” 

Regina gently took the heart and held it in her hands. Although she’d held a thousand hearts before, this one felt different. It was warmer and softer than other hearts and it felt more fragile--not in the sense that it was weak, but she was just more afraid of damaging it than she'd been with other hearts. The feel of it electrified her skin and sent a shiver down her body. Her fingers were light but steady against its smooth, quaking surface. She held it like the most precious gift she’d ever received. 

Rupturing it, altering it in any way, was the last thing in the world Regina wanted to do. That went against every instinct she felt. Instead she wanted to protect it, guard it from the world using every spell and incantation she knew. All while keeping it exactly as it was. But she looked at Emma, at the desperation in her shining, red-rimmed eyes, and nodded. She tightened her grip on Emma’s heart and ever so carefully moved her hands in opposite directions, splitting the organ cleanly down the middle. Emma half-screamed, half-gasped, and she staggered, grabbing Regina’s arm for support. Regina helped lower her to the ground and gestured for Hook to join her. 

Hook and Emma lay next to each other on the ground. Regina held the two halves of Emma’s heart and looked at them, trying to keep the anguish out of her eyes. She wore her Mayor mask, or at least tried to, but the intensity and complexity of her emotions threatened to dissolve it from her face. Emma lay in front of her, panting, expectant. 

“Do it,” she rasped. 

Regina nodded and looked at Hook, whose expression was hard to read. It was something between curiosity and impatience, but she didn’t know for sure. The pirate’s emotions weren’t something Regina had ever particularly cared about or tried to understand. 

Every inch of her, every cell in her body, rejected the idea of Hook taking Emma's heart. But Regina closed her eyes and forced herself to shove the two halves of Emma’s heart into her and Hook’s chests. Emma gasped, not as loudly as before but still audibly, while Hook was silent. He stroked his chest and looked at Emma, as if expecting something to happen. They stared at each other, Emma’s mouth dropped open, her eyes wild. 

A few endless moments passed. Then, Hook’s body suddenly thrust forward and he groaned. Horrified, Regina watched as a half-heart shape began to take form beneath the skin of his chest. It grew closer and closer until it popped out of his chest and landed on the ground beside him, where it dissolved into a pile of dust.

Emma made no noise as she slumped over. Or maybe Regina just couldn’t hear anything over the blood ringing in her ears, the air releasing from her head, the scream building in her throat. Hook yelled something inarticulate and tried to grab Emma but Regina blocked him with her body. She crouched over Emma and looked at her colorless face, the closed eyes, the stilled lips, and felt every inch of herself crumble. She started to cry and she struggled to breathe and the world seemed to close, her vision started to narrow…

She thought of Henry, how he would lose another parent and return home with one mom instead of two. She thought of the bond he and Emma shared from the beginning, the kiss that had saved him from the brink of death….

And that’s when the idea came. Henry. The one constant that had always united Emma and Regina, no matter what. Even when they wanted nothing to do with each other. Even when they wanted to kill each other. Henry's adoption had created an unbreakable, eternal bond. Loving him meant they already shared a heart. Maybe, just maybe, it would work...

Before she could think it through, Regina frantically reached into her own chest, fingers feeling for the familiar squish deep inside her ribs. She grabbed it and tore it out and, hands shaking, she ripped it in half, a little less carefully than Emma’s since her hands shook so hard, but the split was even and she shoved half her heart into Emma’s lifeless chest and the other half back into her chest, and she didn’t even feel pain because nothing, not even a literal broken heart, could be more painful than witnessing what had just happened… 

Her breathing was ragged and irregular and her eyes moved wildly in their sockets, searching for even the slightest sign of life. Her own wellbeing, the risk she'd taken, didn't even occur to her. A few moments stretched into an eternity but then Emma’s chest rose and she sat up and inhaled as if she’d never taken a breath before. She coughed and her whole body shook. Regina had to restrain herself from grabbing the idiot and holding her so tight she couldn’t breathe, because that would be counterproductive, so she beat Emma between the ribs instead, like she used to do when Henry ate too fast and swallowed the wrong way.

When Emma’s breathing slowed down and she was able to speak, her first words were: “Did it work?” but she asked the question like she knew the answer and that the answer was yes.

It was then that Regina realized Emma didn’t know she had momentarily died. The blonde’s face was expectant and naive. She had no memory of Hook’s body rejecting her heart and spitting it out like a cherry pit. 

For the first time since Emma had died, Regina and Hook made eye contact. The pirate looked exhausted and lost. He didn’t say anything. His eyes left Regina’s and went to Emma’s instead but he still couldn’t find the words. He just stared at her, dumb like an animal in the headlights. 

“Guys, say something,” Emma said, glancing quickly from Hook to Regina, back and forth. “What is it? What aren’t you telling me?” But then she looked down, her eyes falling next to where Hook sat, and she saw the pile of gray dust. She turned frantically to Regina, who was still visibly shaking with tears on her face, with one hand near her chest. Emma raised a hand to her own chest and lay it gently above where her heart should be and when her palm touched the skin, the realization of it all flashed across her face. Her mouth dropped open and the blood, just starting to return to her cheeks, drained again. Her eyes locked with Regina's for a moment before filling with tears. She stood up quickly, stumbled on her feet, and started to run. 

“Emma!”

“Swan!” 

But she ran faster than Regina or Hook could ever hope to. The small red figure was gone before either of them could even move. Regina stared at the pile of gray dust, of what had once been Emma’s heart, what was supposed to also belong to Hook, and she slowly closed her eyes. 

When she opened them, Hook was gone. And the night was still.


	4. Secrets Shared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4! I can't believe 5B starts next Sunday. According to the spoilers, the Blind Witch runs Granny's, so I'm glad I got that detail right beforehand, lol. I'm leaving out a lot of Underworld stuff though, like Hades and Zelena and a lot of the reunions, because I don't really want this fic to take place heavily in the Underworld. So they'll be getting back to Storybrooke relatively soon.

_Underworld_

 

Emma decided to take the long way home, through the woods. 

 

She had taken off from Hook and Regina at a fast pace, but as soon as they disappeared from sight, her legs gave out. They felt drained; every muscle in her body wobbled like jelly. Adrenaline pushed her into the woods, towards a clearing, but then she stopped. She leaned over, palms on her knees, and sucked huge gulps of air. Beads of sweat lined her forehead and dripped down her face. Just a short sprint had completely worn her out. She stood there for a few moments, trying to catch her breath. 

 

“Hello dear,” called a familiar voice through the darkness. 

 

Emma jumped. “Cora,” she said. “What are you doing…why are you…”

 

Cora stepped out from the trees and stood in front of Emma, hands folded, looking serene.“Don’t fret. I already know what happened.”

 

Emma looked up, confusion twisting her features. “What? H…how?”

 

“Don’t worry about that. I know everything that happens here. I’m the Mayor, remember?”

 

Emma hadn’t even had a chance to process it herself, what had happened. The last thing she remembered from before was Regina’s face inches from hers, one hand pushing half of Emma’s heart back into her chest. Blackness after it. And then, sitting up again, looking at Regina, seeing the tears on her cheeks, placing a hand over her chest and suddenly understanding… 

 

“I just wanted to have a chat before you leave tomorrow,” Cora continued, interrupting Emma’s thoughts. “I have a few things I wanted to tell you.” 

 

“Yeah?” Emma said, her face flushing. Nothing had sunk in yet and she stared at Cora wildly, each moment vivid and intense. 

 

Cora stepped closer to Emma, looking her up and down. “It’s a…complicated history, your family and mine have. Nothing will ever change the strange past we share. And now, I expect, it’s about to become…” Cora raised her eyebrows, looking at Emma’s chest. “A lot more complicated.” 

 

Emma didn’t say anything. She just looked at Cora, the Queen of Hearts, Mayor of the Underworld, grandmother of her son. 

 

“Although, your mother and I…well, we’ve reached an understanding. It’s all water under the bridge now, what happened between us,” Cora smiled. 

 

Emma nodded. She remembered the day Mary Margaret and Cora had spoken alone in the Mayor’s office, the door closed for hours. But her mother hadn’t volunteered anything about the conversation and Emma hadn’t asked. It was good to know things worked out. 

 

“But now I see that you and my daughter have experienced something beyond your comprehension, both of you. I’m not going to try and explain it. I meddled in the affairs of other people’s hearts for far too long. Especially where my daughter was concerned. So it’s time I step back and let things happen as they should. And, I think, they have.”

 

Emma tilted her head. Cora smiled before continuing: “Whatever this all means, I think it’s for the best. Ever since seeing Regina again I have a different perspective, you see. I look at her differently now.” Cora placed a hand over her own heart. “I felt that something was wrong from the moment she arrived here. That man who follows her around, what’s his name? I can tell there’s something wrong with him. He's so dull and unimaginative, always asking the most ridiculous questions. I don't know why Regina tolerates it. But when she looks at you, there’s a sparkle in her eyes I haven’t seen in a long time.” Cora paused, debating whether or not to say something further. 

 

And then: “Not since that poor boy in the stables.”

 

Emma’s entire body stiffened, remembering the scene of Daniel’s death, the way Regina had cried over the memory in Camelot. She looked at the woman standing in front of her, smiling kindly, eyes shining, and found it hard to believe the same person had caused Regina so many years of torment. She felt a tremor in her chest, a slight leap of emotion she hadn’t felt before. Cora must have seen Emma’s face change because she quickly began to talk again. 

 

“I don’t mean to keep you. It’s late and you need to rest. Dying takes its toll, I know all too well. But if I can impart one thing on you, it’s this.” She placed her hands on Emma’s shoulders. “That day I was unable to remove your heart…that’s when I knew.” Cora smiled for a long moment before lowering her hands and turning back to the trees.

 

——-

 

_Camelot_

 

_“Why didn’t your kiss stop_ _that_ _? Tasty, isn’t it…the darkness?”_

 

Emma descended down the stairs carefully, step by step, with a methodical precision, Rumple’s words ringing in her ears. She held onto the gray stone wall with her right hand, her good hand, and avoided looking at the sparkles on her left hand. Instead she watched her feet land on each step, one after the other.

 

It wasn’t until she reached her room in another tower that she let out an incredulous gasp that threatened to become a cry. But no; she had to stay composed, stay calm. She took off her flower crown and set it on the dresser. For a moment she missed her bedroom at her parents’ Storybrooke loft, its simple, cute decor and views of the street, its plentiful natural light. But she tried not to linger on it. She didn’t want the darkness to take her happy memories and twist them into something different or ruin them somehow. 

 

Most of the time Emma tried to keep her mind as blank as possible because she really didn’t know what else to do, how else to keep the darkness at bay and deprive it of fuel. When she did allow herself to think and to feel, her mind was drawn to Hook. 

 

But it wasn’t until a few moments before that her Dark One status had even sunk in. Rationally she had known the darkness was in her but she’d only felt it once, in the forest, holding Merida’s heart. She had fought it though. She fought it with every bit of strength she could find. But without even formulating the words in her head, she knew it was suddenly different. It was happening. The darkness was getting stronger, all because she had saved the life of Regina’s soulmate.

 

She paced the room, her white dress billowing around her legs as she turned back and forth. From her window she could see the hall where the ball had taken place. The lights still shined but only a few figures moved behind the glass; servants, most likely, tidying up after the guests had left. It wasn’t long after Percival’s death, Emma imagined, that the party had ended. Nothing like a dead body to ruin a festive mood. 

 

The whole night, she’d barely been able to make eye contact with Regina. What had happened in the forest earlier—what _was_ that? It made her think back to Regina’s magic lessons, when the bridge collapsed beneath her feet. That exhilarating, terrifying sensation of planks splintering and disintegrating beneath her feet; Emma realizing that, if she didn’t believe in herself, she would die; the feeling of being lifted in the air by her magic alone; seeing Regina’s eyes shine with pride. Why did holding Regina’s hand in the forest remind her of that? 

 

She kept circling the room, thinking back to Robin’s gasps for breath. ”I just did what had to be done." She repeated it, first in her head and then aloud, as a whisper. “I just did what had to be done. Nothing is more precious than a human life, no matter whose it is…”

 

But then she closed her eyes and saw Regina’s face electrified with relief, inches away from Robin’s; their lips meeting with such tenderness; Emma’s sudden and violent impulse to throw herself at Hook in front of everyone; turning and looking at Regina one last time before leaving the room; feeling the tingle of darkness on her hand. But she did what had to be done. 

 

“I’m the Savior,” she said to the empty room, voice breaking. “Saving people is what I do.” 

 

“Sure it is, Dearie!” Dark Rumple materialized at her doorway, a huge grin plastered on his sparkling face.

 

Emma’s stomach dropped. “Please. Not again. I’m tired and worn out and really not in the mood for you right now.”

 

He giggled. “Darkness doesn’t sleep, Dearie. You know that.” 

 

It was true. Emma had started to spend her sleepless nights busy with her new hobby, making dreamcatchers. She kept them all in her closet, ranging in different sizes and colors. The first one she’d made for herself, to protect her favorite memories from the darkness. But after that she kept making them, finding the activity a mindless distraction. An easy way to clear her mind.

 

“Look, I already told you. I didn’t enjoy that but I had to do it.”

 

“But there’s more to discuss! Like how you enjoyed the magic, but not its purpose.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Rumple rolled his eyes but his smile stayed in place. “Exactly what I said! You enjoyed using dark magic to save Robin Hood’s life. We both know that. But you didn’t exactly enjoy the _Robin Hood_ part…didja?”

 

“That’s none of your business.”

 

“Of course it is, Dearie! I live in your mind, remember? I know everything.” He enunciated _every-_ and leered at Emma, reptilian eyes flashing. Then he lowered his voice. “I know the things you refuse to admit.” 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

“You do. But I see we aren’t getting anywhere tonight. Let me tell you something before I go. The Mayor will bring you nothing but misery and loneliness. She is madly in love with her soulmate. Oh, and remember the _Evil_ part of Evil Queen?” He wrinkled his nose and Emma wanted to break it. 

“She’s changed. I know that, which means you know that, so why are you doing this?”

 

“Hook wants a future with you, Dearie, and I suggest you grab it while you can. Regina has never wanted you around and she never will. Especially now that her beloved Robin Hood is safe and sound, thanks to you. She’ll be quite happy without you in her life. Our dear Captain, on the other hand…or should I say, the other _hook_ …”

 

Rumple’s words seared through Emma’s skin but she tried to ignore them. “You’re here to help me embrace the darkness. So why are you encouraging me to be with Hook?”

 

Rumple raised his eyebrows and giggled. Emma blinked and he was gone. 

 

——-

 

_Underworld_

 

Emma refused to cry until she got to her room at Granny’s. 

 

When she got there, she stepped inside and softly closed the door so nobody would hear. But even if they did and they wanted to talk, their knocks would go unanswered. Once the latch clicked shut, she slid down the door and leaned against it and all at once the sobs wouldn’t stop. 

 

Despite her tears it still hadn’t sunk in. She didn’t know if it ever would. Hook’s body rejecting the most special, unique part of her, like it was garbage; her journey to the Underworld all in vain; what she would tell her parents and Henry and the others; the fact that she had fucking _died_ and had no recollection of it, just a gap in her memory between her heart being split and then asking if it worked; and then there was the small matter of what Regina had done, what Cora had said…

 

Panic clotted her throat and her sobs were thick and labored. Her head pounded. What happened at the lake didn’t make sense but it also did and she wasn’t sure what was more jarring, her shock or her belief. 

 

She couldn’t bring herself to touch her chest again, though. It wasn’t physically painful but it was overwhelming in a different sort of way. When she had touched it earlier, inexplicable images flashed into her mind. Memories that weren’t hers.Emotions she’d never felt. Feelings she’d never imagined existed. There was the scent of apple blossoms in the spring; the thick muscles of a horse contracting and expanding beneath her legs as it carried her across a field; the pressure of a corset tied tightly around her ribs; the smell of straw and wood and animals and the pressing of young lips together for the first time, looking into a pair of eyes she’d never seen. There was despair and rage and heartbreak and lust and fear and determination, all at once, like a tornado. There was the loneliness, so many years of it compressed into a single moment. And then there was the love.

 

As long as she lived, Emma Swan would never forget the moment she realized she carried half of Regina Mills’ heart inside of her. 

 

But instead of placing a hand on her chest again she wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her forehead on her knees and coughed out the last of her sobs, her tears slowly subsiding, her eyes growing heavy.

 

A streetlamp spilled its light across the swept wooden floor. It was quiet; no crickets chirped during the Underworld nights, no wind blew against the shutters. She sat against the door for a while, not keeping track of how much time passed. A terrible chill had crept into her bones and coated her skin; an aftereffect of being dead, she guessed. She fell asleep a few times but it was the kind of sleep that’s black and textureless and you don’t even realize it was sleep until you open your eyes and look at the clock. Each time she woke up, she thought about climbing into bed but somehow the floor was the most comforting place to be. 

 

Emma might have stayed asleep except for a gentle knock on her door. Her heart (Regina’s heart?) jumped and she immediately knew who was on the other side of the door. 

 

“Emma.” The Mayor’s voice was soft and gentle but it echoed through Emma’s door, through her head. “I know you’re in there.” 

 

How Regina knew that Emma was inside and awake and listening, the blonde didn’t know.But she also wasn’t surprised. She leaned her head back against the door and closed her eyes, conflicted. She didn’t feel like talking, didn’t feel like being seen, but she also didn’t want Regina to leave. Emma squeezed her eyes shut, blackness all around.

 

Regina’s voice floated to her through the void.“I could force this door open with magic, Emma, but I won’t. You have to be the one to let me in. In the meantime, I want to make sure you know something.

 

“You once promised to fight for my happy ending. You said my happiness was possible and that you would help me find it. That you would fight for it even if I wouldn’t. And in keeping that promise, you became the Dark One. I can probably never pay you back for that, but I can try. So I’m going to borrow a page from the Savior’s book and fight for your happiness, Emma. What happened tonight was strange and confusing and I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. And I'm sorry. But this doesn't mean your happy ending is gone forever. It just means it's something different. I'm going to help you find it. Door or no door.”

 

For a moment there was silence; then, Emma heard footsteps echo down the hallway. A door opened and closed. And then more silence; except, of course, for the buzzing of her mind. 


End file.
